Monday, September 21, 2009

chapter 13: Fragile Human Beings

I felt like I was a newbie here in Algona again. But the
difference was it was gloomier. No it wasn’t; it was still the same. It was me
who made it change from my point of view.

I woke up earlier than the usual because I know Nate would fetch me up but I was just a big coward to face him so I was avoiding every chance to be with him. In fact, I even erased his phone number on my cellular phone. My mother was even surprised because it never came to her senses that I would rise up from my bed by myself. To her, I am the present sleeping beauty but different from Aurora not the other fairytale princesses. Why? Because I act like a brave and tough one but the truth is, simple words can easily shatter me down. I’d be a history, the greatest coward of all time: Sanyu Hyuuga.

Week has ended and hurray, I barely survived. I should forget and forgive but I can’t. Not trusting me is what I hate the most, how could he? Damn, if I didn’t forget to bring that freaking album with me, there would be no trouble, no trouble at all! But I know I can’t evade him for forever. Then my phone rang. I was so sure that I won’t answer it if it was Nathan. But no I wasn’t which gave me a relief because it meant that my conscience won’t conquer me. Good thing it was Audrey.

“Hey Sanyu! I think we need a little freshening up. What do you say you, me and Courtney get a coffee? Well actually, we’re here already. Just like our first meeting.” Audrey offered.

“Great, just what I needed! Thanks, I’ll be right there.” I then wore a problem-free smile.

I was alternating the English Alphabet and the counting numbers to avoid thinking of any other while I was busy riding on my bike. I felt like I was a newbie here in Algona again. But the difference was it was gloomier. No it wasn’t; it was still the same. It was me who made it change from my point of view.

Actually, I hated the place we were meeting to. It was where I and Nate had something more than friends. It was something I half wish it never happened. I entered in the cafeteria having a brave face to appear before Audrey and Courtney.

“Hey guys! You know what? Even though we’re almost always together, I am really missing you!” I began upon reaching their table. What I’ve said was just so true because I know I’m always with them in school yet I know my mind was occupied by unnecessary things.

“O Yuu, I miss you too!” Courtney then rose up from her chair and gave me a bear hug that felt like she was sorry.

“True Sanyu, we’ve missed you too because we’re you’re best friends. That is why we’re sorry we have to do this. But I know you’ll eventually forgive us too. Or you might even thank us. Bye Yuu!” Audrey bid goodbye. I was going to shout after them. But they were briskly walking and then I knew I was set…

“Sanyu? What is the avoidance for? Take a seat and talk.” Nathan question and commanded from behind. Even though I wanted to run away, I took a seat because I was frightened by his cold voice. When our eyes met, he then thundered questions.

“After that wonderful night, I thought everything was alright. What happened for you to ignore me? Answer me.”Nate continued with the cold yet grieving voice.

“I… I feel unworthy to be trusted.” I answered hesitantly and honestly looking at the placemat of our table.

“What? How could you think yourself of that? You are the person I would never hid a secret, even one!”

“Liar.” I retorted shockingly.

“Huh?” Nathan was then astonished.

“That line was a lie. You have hid a secret from me since I moved here in Algona.” I started feeling brave again. I knew this was the chance I was waiting for, to finally make peace out of me.

“I don’t understand what you’re talking about Yuu.” Nate frowned.

“You never told me that you were my childhood best friend. You never shared that secret, ‘Hey, Sanyu! I’ve missed you, remember? Nathan Hale? You’re childhood best friend?’ Did you?” I emphasized giving bitter feelings in every single word.

“Because I thought you forgot about it.”

“Why did you think I have forgotten about those precious moments?”

“Because you never replied on my messages through the net.”

“… But why didn’t you ask me first before having that grumpy act on me?” I paused at first realizing my fault then I countered back.

“Because I thought you’ve changed.”

“Everyone changes! I changed and so do you! You think I won’t recognize that you were my childhood best friend if you were that sweet young child still?”

“I’m sorry Yuu. I know I should have told you earlier. But I’m just human too, I get scared too. That’s why I told you to look at your album, the one I gave years ago.”

“Yeah… and I’m just a normal nothing-special human being too, Nate. I feel weak and unworthy too. I’m fragile I hope you know.”

“I’m sorry I knew that later than I should have. Can’t we fix it, Yuu?” Nate begged for another shot.

“I’m still in touch by you. But I don’t think we should get back this fast. We should learn more… Maybe we should get back to frenemies and maybe someday… or not.” I refused.

“I can’t change your mind can I?” I then shifted my face to the left. “I guess… I should leave now.”

And there he walked away. I wanted to stop him but I know that would be wrong. I have to become more me again. I have to recover myself to be able to love myself before I could love him again. Aud and Court then rushed to me, eager to ask.

“What happened? We saw Nathan driving away. Did the two of you have had a bad chat?” Courtney asked curiously.

“Well… yeah we had. But don’t worry guys. It only means that we’ll have more time together.” I replied trying to be cheerful.

“O Sanyu, stop. You’ll just hurt yourself more. Stop pretending. And Court, stop asking.” Audrey advised then the two of them gave a warm friendly cuddly hug. The hug I wouldn’t exchange for any other.

“Well, I’ll just see you guys on Monday, I want to go home already. O and yeah, I forgive you and I am thankful for giving us the chance to talk. I love you guys!”

I then briskly walked towards my bicycle. I paddled fast to get home in no time. And when I did, I went into my room. And there, I sulked again. Man, I’m so unlucky with love! Two heartbreaks in a row, isn’t that just awful? I wish love just never existed… or maybe not. I was about to fall asleep when I heard my message alert tone. There showed a number that wasn’t an entry on my phone. It was Nate. Dang, I forgot I had memorized his number.

Yuu, I respect your decision. But… I will never give up on you until you
have given us up. I will never stop loving you. I promise to never disturb you
if you’ve find another love. And I won’t let that happen because you are the
reason worth living for. DAISUKI.

And I had my mouth opened for a minute. Next thing I knew, I was sleeping holding tightly on my phone.

to be continued.

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